Asking Eric: Friend wants to confront poker pal over prejudice
Tensions are running high in a New Jersey poker group as one member, known only as Eric, has become the subject of controversy after allegedly making racist and homophobic remarks during a recent game.
The incident has left one of Eric’s longtime friends, who asked to remain anonymous, feeling conflicted and unsure of how to address the situation. The friend, who we’ll refer to as Dan, reached out to NJ.com for advice on how to confront Eric about his prejudiced behavior.
According to Dan, the incident occurred during a friendly poker game at Eric’s house. As the night went on and the drinks flowed, Eric began making off-color jokes and comments that made Dan and other players uncomfortable. “He was saying things that were just really inappropriate and offensive,” Dan said. “I couldn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth.”
Dan, who has known Eric for years, said he was shocked and disappointed by his friend’s behavior. “I didn’t know he held these views,” he said. “I thought he was better than that.”
Since the incident, Dan has been grappling with whether or not to confront Eric about his behavior. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship, but I also can’t just let this slide,” he said. “I feel like I have a duty to speak up and let him know that what he said was not okay.”
In seeking advice on how to approach the situation, Dan turned to NJ.com’s “Asking Eric” column, where readers can submit their questions and receive advice from a panel of experts.
Eric, a licensed therapist and conflict resolution expert, weighed in on the situation, advising Dan to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. “It’s important to speak up when we witness prejudiced behavior, but it’s also important to do so in a way that allows for growth and understanding,” Eric said.
He suggested that Dan could start by expressing his feelings and concerns to Eric in a non-confrontational way. “It’s important to use ‘I’ statements and focus on your own emotions rather than pointing fingers,” Eric said. “By approaching the conversation from a place of care and concern, you can increase the likelihood of a positive outcome.”
Eric also recommended that Dan be prepared for a range of reactions from Eric, including defensiveness or denial. “It’s possible that Eric may not see his behavior as prejudiced, so it’s important to approach the conversation with patience and an open mind,” he said.
As Dan prepares to have the difficult conversation with Eric, he hopes to ultimately foster a greater understanding and awareness of the harmful impact of prejudice. “I hope that by bringing this to his attention, he can learn and grow from it,” Dan said. “I just want to see him become a better person.”